David Letterman(left, with a stylish if slightly crazy beard) returned to the airwaves last night (with a WGA sanctioned deal for his writers to start working again). His first top ten, delivered by some top comedy writers, is below.
Top 10 Demands of the Striking Writers
10. The Daily Show's Tim Carvell: Complimentary tote bag with next insulting contract offer.
9. The Colbert Report's Laura Kraft: No rollbacks in health benefits, so I can treat the hypothermia I caught on the picket lines.
8. Soap writer Melissa Salmons: Full salary and benefits for my imaginary writing partner, Lester.
7. Law & Order: Criminal Intent's Warren Leight: Members of the AMPTP must explain what the hell AMPTP stands for.
6. The Colbert Report's Jay Katsir: No disciplinary action taken against any writer caught having inappropriate relationship with a copier.
5. The Daily Show's Steve Bodow: I’d like a date with a woman.
4. Writer/director Nora Ephron: Hazard pay for breaking up fights on The View.
3. Law & Order's Gina Gionfriddo: I’m no accountant, but instead of us getting four cents for a $20 DVD, how about we get $20 for a four cent DVD?
2. Late Night's Chris Albers: I don’t have a joke – I just want to remind everyone that we’re on strike, so none of us are responsible for this lame list.
1. Writer Alan Zwiebel: Producers must immediately remove their heads from their asses.